Testimony: “My man is 22 years younger than me”

Marie* is 60 years old, Léo* 38. They have been together for 6 years and cannot imagine their lives without each other. Even though doubts about their future may arise, they relate to the phrase that best suits them: “Love has no age.”

“’Want a photo with your mom?’ my partner once asked for a photographer… Of course, given our age difference, I understand the confusion. Leo just replied: ‘Yes, thank you’, pulling me in front of the lens. When we got home, we laughed: ‘If only he knew we shared the same bed!’ But I wondered why Leo hadn’t told the truth. In reality, it’s very simple: if he had done so, an awkward silence would have ensued. The fact that a man of a certain age appears with a much younger woman is considered normal.

When the roles are reversed, people are often judgmental: ‘She must be having a midlife crisis’ or ‘She’s having trouble accepting getting older.’ As for Léo, they think that he is with me for my money (even though I don’t have any) or that he probably has problems with his mother… They can’t believe that we simply love. However, true love is not a question of numbers, but of love, of respect, of shared pleasure. And that’s what brings us together.”

An online crush

“I met Léo on a dating site 6 years ago. When I saw his photo, I thought he was a handsome man, but he was definitely younger than me. I imagined he was between ten and fifteen years younger. I clicked on the profile and it read: ’32 years old.’ I was left speechless. I was 54 years old. He was therefore 22 years younger. Honestly, I hesitated to go further. Was he going to find me too old or ridiculous? My doubts disappeared when I received a little message from him: ‘Hello, I saw your photo and I really like you.’

Age is just a shadow

In the weeks that followed, we talked every day. I confided to him about my romantic setbacks, my divorce… And I told him that I had two daughters. I immediately put my cards on the table so that he would have no reason to take his chances afterwards. Because yes, I was starting to have a crush on him. The more I discovered it, the more I appreciated it. For his part, Léo explained to me that he had already had a relationship with a woman his age, but that he had the impression of not being in her place. He then had a relationship with a slightly older woman and he felt much more comfortable there. So, he didn’t think I was too old… And he finally convinced me by reminding me that age is just a number!

For six weeks, the messages continued until Léo asked to meet. My heart was screaming ‘yes’, but my head was holding me back. What would people think? What if I fell in love? Is it possible for a woman over 50 to date a man under 40? A friend reassured me: ‘Let people say. Go on this date and have fun. If you refuse, you might regret it.’ Luckily, I listened to her.”

The looks of others, an obstacle

“I wanted to live our story out in the open, but I didn’t know if people would understand. My heart sank when I went to see my daughters, who are only a few years younger than Leo, and told them I had a new partner. ‘We met on a dating site. But he’s much younger, he’s 33.’ My eldest daughter remained silent, while the youngest had only one question: ‘Are you happy?’ Yes, I was and I hadn’t been in years. ‘That’s the most important thing,’ she told me. I’m happy for you.’ My oldest took longer to get used to our relationship. But after seeing us together several times, she realized that our love was real. Fortunately, because I don’t know if I would have been able to stay with Leo if my children had not supported our relationship.

The introductions to those around us happened naturally. I remember an evening where, at first, my friends didn’t say anything. But the more the hours passed, the more tongues loosened. ‘If you hurt Marie, you’ll have to deal with us,’ they joked. Leo understood their doubts, but he was sure of himself, loving and charming. He conquered everyone.

It was more complicated in public spaces. I felt like people were staring at us. Looking back, I tell myself that it was probably in my head… It was only after a few months that I dared to hold Léo’s hand when we were walking in the street.”

Zero taboo

“Even if we have a great bond, the age gap can be felt. This is the case for our sexuality. Leo is more demanding than me, he is still in the prime of his life. We make love, but my appetite has diminished. We had to find our balance. We discussed it a lot, because we want to have no taboos.
The same goes for the desire to have a child. When we got together, I already had two daughters and there was no way I was going to get pregnant. I never hid it from him. But a desire for fatherhood arose in him. We talked about it. Fortunately, he has changed his mind: he ultimately does not want to give birth to a child in this world of wars, global warming… He fears giving him a sad future. And then in the meantime, I had four grandchildren and Léo adores them.”

Passions as a link

“Except for these subjects, I rarely have the impression that he is younger than me. I continue to do sports, while he doesn’t move a finger (laughs). And then physically, with his beard, he looks a little older. For my part, I consider myself lucky to have almost no wrinkles and not a single white hair.

What binds us are our passions and our desires. We both love traveling. And then Léo became a fan of salsa, like me. During our first summer together, I took him to a festival. While I was dancing, he was watching me. At the end of the evening, he said to me, ‘In a year, we’ll be on the dance floor together.’ And he kept his word.”

Live from hand to mouth

“We don’t have a crystal ball to see what the future holds. For the moment, we don’t live together, even though Leo spends most of the time at my house. He wants to keep his apartment in the city. He likes to be there alone and it’s practical when we go out on the weekend. In the end, it’s very good like that. And then I’m not getting any younger, while Leo has his whole life ahead of him. I worry about this sometimes. Today, our lives fit together easily, but I don’t want his to end when mine ends. He thinks differently. The men in his family died young, of heart failure. He already told me: ‘Who knows if I won’t suffer the same fate…’ But I don’t want to think about it. I just tell him that I will be there for him. Love is being there for each other, it’s being happy when the other is happy too. It’s also what makes difficult times lighter. It may be cliché, but love has no age.”

* borrowed first names.

Text: Diny Thomas and Justine Leupe

You may also like:

Recipes, fashion, decoration, sex, astro: follow our news on Facebook and Instagram. Exclusive: our latest articles via Messenger.