Blended family: what to do when it doesn’t work?

Rebuilding a family after a separation is not always easy, particularly when each partner has children. But then, what do we do when everything seems to be against us? We’re putting things in place!

The blended family is a complex family model, although it is increasingly common. Beyond two people who have feelings for each other, it is above all two families, sometimes with different functioning, who must live together. And if this can happen relatively easily for some, others have difficulty experiencing the harmony they so hope for.

It must be said that the roles incumbent upon each person are far from simple: being a father and a stepfather, the child of one but not the other, a half-brother or even a stepmother. present without doing too much can seem mission impossible, or almost… And become a source of tension.

Mourning the death of the ideal family

Unlike a “traditional” family, the members of the blended family each arrive with a past and a story of their own. A reality that requires great open-mindedness, but which can also be a source of conflict, particularly if members are looking for the perfect family. The first thing to do is to accept everyone’s past, but also to mourn the loss of this so-called “ideal” family, which we often keep in the back of our minds despite the separation.

6 tips for finding harmony in the blended family

Are you having difficulty making your blended family work, or do you feel like it’s not working out? These tips guide you to find harmony.

1. Communicate

Repressing your feelings is never a good idea: we keep quiet to avoid tension but we accumulate resentment… Then one day, we end up exploding and saying things that we don’t necessarily mean. To avoid this situation, our first advice is certainly to create a space to speak. To do this in good conditions, you can for example organize a “family meeting” once or twice a month. A meeting where everyone will be able to openly say what is on their heart and where they will be asked to find solutions to the different problems expressed, all with kindness.

2. Establish common rules of life

Each family has its own rules of life… The same should be true for your blended family. Indeed, having clear and identical rules for all children (regardless of whether they are yours or not) allows you to erase potential differences, and therefore avoid quarrels. Everyone will find their place more easily and the children will know what is allowed – or not – in your home.

To establish fair rules that respect everyone’s needs, you can bring together all the members of this blended family to establish the famous rules together. A good way to create unity while setting clear limits.

3. Do activities together

Consider organizing, on a regular basis, activities that will bring your blended family together for a few hours or a day: an afternoon walk, a visit to the museum, a cinema, a culinary workshop… The important thing is to spend quality time together, but also create common memories.

4. Leave room for the in-law

Being a stepfather or stepmother is a particularly thankless position, especially when the other parent has difficulty accepting that their ex is starting a new life. If you want your children to accept your lover, there is only one thing to do: support them and try to form, together, a parental team. If the children, whether yours or your loved one’s, notice that you are united, they will end up giving him a place in their lives and respecting him.

5. Take care of your relationship

Life in a blended family can be hectic, particularly at the start of the adventure… Which is why it is not uncommon to get lost, or even to abandon your relationship. Don’t forget that this love that binds you is the basis of your blended family, and don’t neglect your love story: remember to communicate with kindness, but also to spend quality time together, far from this life sometimes so complex, in order to recharge your batteries. And don’t forget one important thing: the better your duo goes, the more you will find solutions to the problems you encounter.

6. Give yourself time

Like the proverb which says that “Rome was not built in a day”, know that it will take time – and a lot of adjustments – to achieve family cohesion, but also for each member of the family finds its place. So let time do things.

Get help from a specialist: good idea!

Despite your efforts, the difficulties remain and you are thinking of consulting a therapist, but you are hesitant? Know that getting help from a specialist is always a good idea. Be careful, however, if you wish to start family therapy: the agreement of the other parent is necessary, at least if the children participate in the various sessions.

You may also like:

Recipes, fashion, decoration, sex, astro: follow our news on Facebook and Instagram. Exclusive: our latest articles via Messenger.