“My companion gave me his kidney”

Nicole*, young thirties, suffers from a rare kidney disease. Developed for the first time in adolescence, his state of health has deteriorated again. His companion Adrien then made an overwhelming decision: to offer him one of his kidneys.

Nicole has dense deposit disease, a disease that only affects 2 to 3 people out of a million. The immune system attacks the body by causing kidney damage. “When I met Adrien,” remembers Nicole, I didn’t know how to tell her that I was sick. But he was ahead of me: my first kidney transplant appeared on Facebook, he saw her and told me about it, adding that his father died following kidney problems. I thought: ‘Oh no, our relationship will remind him of all this and stress him!’.

A serene start of relationship

“At the start of my relationship with Adrien, my illness did not have too much impact. I had received a new kidney at the age of 14 and he worked well; the disease was present, but inactive. I was quickly tired, I had to undergo regular checks and take a lot of medication, but Adrien and I lived almost normally. I knew that the kidney received would not be eternal But I didn’t think about it… ”

The worst solitude of my life

Nicole and Adrien bought a chalet and adopted a cat. Life has followed its course. Nicole says: “In 2021, I stopped taking the pill because I wanted to know my body without hormones. This is where my health started to deteriorate. I had very strong abdominal pain. Examinations showed endometriosis. Even if the doctors did not envisage it, this gynecological condition had in my opinion awakened my kidney disease. Well returned, and the kidney was in such poor condition that any medication was useless.

We would wait a few weeks for my kidney to let go definitively, then it would be dialysis and the expectation of a new kidney. I felt broken. During my first transplantation, the surgeon warned me: ‘This kidney will not last your whole life.’ Thirteen years with a kidney kidney, that’s already good. Still, I had hoped for more respite. I lived the worst solitude of my life. I was in the hospital, positive at the covid moreover, I could not see anyone. I cried for hours with Adrien for the only external contact, by FaceTime. He had taken leave to stay with me, virtually at least. But I missed the real hugs. ”

Question fate

Nicole also talks about the mourning process to cross when you learn that you have chronic disease. “The sadness came directly after the announcement of the new transplantation. Then arose the need to question fate. What if I had not stopped the pill? And if it had not been the covid? Sometimes too, I felt rebellious, angry, frustrated. Why me, why this disease? Fortunately, Adrien was there.

From the start of our relationship, he had said to me, ‘If necessary, I will give you a kidney’. But it is not because we want us to, everything must be perfect in terms of blood group and tissue typing (a kind of in -depth blood test). In my case, it was not sure that a gift from a living donor – the organ then has a longer life expectancy – would be authorized. I have a disease that can always reject the tip of its nose. What if I fell sick a year after transplantation? Adrien would have lost a kidney almost for nothing. The doctors reassured me. There were new treatments, new protocols. They saw no objection to that Adrien gave me a kidney, if he was aware of the risks. ”

An exceptional match

“Not a moment I hesitated to give a kidney to Nicole. I love her and I see how hard it is to live with this disease. And then, I took care of my father for years, it was very difficult, so I knew that I could face it. I followed my instinct and I went for it. Well, it was not as simple …” Nicole laughs: “In fact! Because of a little blood in its urine, but after new exams, it was considered fit.

Nicole, at that time, had already undergone kidney dialysis 3 times a week, at the rate of 4 hours each time, for a year. A trying process, including on the physical level, with a strict diet and without practically drinking anything. And then there was the mental charge of transplantation: “I was happy to receive a new kidney and that it was that of Adrien, and at the same time, I focused on the risk, minimal, that something is wrong. The one I loved most in the world was going to go under the scalpel. If there were complications, it would be my fault.” Adrien specifies: “For me, it was clear. I was not afraid of complications, or any regrets. I gave him my kidney without condition, I needed nothing in return.”

D -day: transplantation

And then October 13, 2023 arrived, day of donation and transplantation. Nicole: “Normally, the donor and the receiver have no right to share a room in the hospital, to avoid any phenomenon of guilt or anger in the face of pain. But we managed to be in the same room. The day of transplantation, we waited together, until they come to seek Adrien around 8 am. My operation was to start a few hours later. I was much more worried about him. The anesthesiologist: ‘Adrien is fine?’ She reassured me.

Adrien: “At the beginning, I felt good, but then, I had nausea because of the painting epidural pump. I asked that it be removed, and at that time, the nausea passed, but the pain was not stopped. It was not funny, but I knew why I was doing it: Give Nicole a chance to have a better life. I could bite on my chique. In addition, we would have time to recover: the planned convalescence was 10 weeks for her and me. ”

Nicole confirms: “During the first 3 or 4 weeks, it consisted of a lot of rest and sofa moments. Then, a few short walks to the shops. Mom was there to help us and take care of the cat. With Adrien, we were most of the time together inside, but it was very good. We could find ourselves without problem on a desert island.”

Now: projects!

Today, our witnesses are fine. Adrien: “I even feel better than before the gift. You can live with a single kidney, just drink enough water and moderate your alcohol consumption.” Nicole: “I feel good too. Of course, there are black dots. There is no question for us to start a family. Who knows what a pregnancy would do to my kidney … And I really do not want to lose it, because from a 3rd transplant, the risks of rejection increase, and because it is the kidney of Adrien. Our future is determined by my state of health, but I try to focus on the positive.

“Nicole taught me to put things into perspective, never to abandon,” said Adrien. “And to continue to dream,” she continues. “One of my big dreams is to create more awareness around kidney disease. We would also like to go to Japan. And we get married! But to tell the truth, receiving a kidney from someone more than a piece of paper. In any case, we are linked for life.”

Assumed first name. Text: Tine Trappers

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