8 murderous sentences never say to a child

Words have a weight, particularly in terms of education. To raise a child with kindness, there are several sentences to banish from our language. Focus out of 8 of them.

In his documentary Reinventing childhoodEve Simonet immediately evokes a strong figure: “In France, 81 % of parents declare that they use at least one educational violence per week”. The term includes physical, verbal and psychological violence linked to education. Often trivialized, they nevertheless leave traces …

As a parent, and more generally as an adult, it should never be forgotten that the way you communicate with a minor is fraught with meaning and consequences (on his psychological development, his confidence in himself and in others …). We all remember “murderous sentences” that injured or broken us. These derogatory aftershocks formulated by “a large”, even if he sometimes does not realize, can cause deep wounds, especially in anxious profiles, not very confident and sensitive.

2 rules for communicating

If the perfect adult does not exist and if it is legitimate to lose patience in the face of a child in a stressful daily life, it is especially possible to put things in place to avoid hot blows and verbal attacks in the face of the youngest.

Keep these 2 basic principles in mind:

• We choose his words: And we speak calmly and not violently, even if the child is wrong.
• Generalities are avoided: For a child to develop his confidence in himself and others, we ban sentences that refer to a weakness, such as “you can never finish your duties in time”, “you are unable to read/eat/talk correctly”, who tend to make him believe that it will never change.

What should never be told to children

1. “You are bad”

This sentence, which we have almost all heard in our childhood, is destructive. Repeated under anger or fatigue, she can suggest to the child that it is fundamentally a bad person, that his bottom is not good and will never be.

2. “You don’t understand anything”

The kind of generalist and simplistic reproach which shakes the esteem of a child and his confidence in his capacities.

3. “Stop your cinema”

If your child experiences frustration, don’t ask him to silence her and do not minimize her. Instead, invite him to express himself, thanks to a sentence that will make him understand that he is safe: “I understand your frustration”, “I hear it’s hard to live for you”. You can then explain to him why you expect this or that thing from him: why he must wait, why you said no, why he must stop when you ask …

4. “Your brother/your sister does better than you”

These words will have the impact to create a rivalry between the child and his siblings, and he risks thinking that as an adult, you have a favorite. Formulating this kind of sentences is to suggest that you are not enough.

5. “Your friends do better than you”

In the same vein, comparing your child with his classroom or sports/creative activity comrades is harmful for his construction: he risks growing up by comparing himself and having the impression that he is not up to par or in the standard. Later, these are profiles that often seek external validation, without being satisfied with their faith in them.

6. “You are like your mother/father!”

The kind of replicas that we hear more frequently in single -parent or recomposed families. It can be destructive, especially if the relationships you have with the co-parent parent are conflicting. Each individual is singular, your child is like no one else.

7. “Do you get”

If your child asks you for help, do not systematically send him for a walk in asking him to fend for himself, he might think that you have to do to support him. Are you running out of time to take care of him at that time? Say it honestly: “I don’t have time now, but I will help you when I have finished” or “Maybe someone else could give you a hand?”.

8. “You won’t get there”

Tell your child that he will not succeed in his goal weakens the image he has of himself and his skills. Growing up, he may not dare to get challenges or experience new things, for fear of failing whatever happens.

The right support to see and share

We liked Reinventing childhood De Eve Simonet, available on the French platform on.suzane.

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