How to react to criticism with class?

She sometimes stings, she often falls… and yet, well formulated, a criticism can really advance. The main thing? Know how to sort and read between the lines. Small practical guide.

Whether justified or not, benevolent or clumsy, a criticism often takes us off guard. And in these moments, difficult to keep your cool … No question, however, of reacting hot without thinking or even taking everything without saying anything. There are keys to welcoming criticism with discernment… and responding with elegance.

“Criticism can shake, even devastate”

“Very often, they are received as an attack, because they are stated in the form of reproaches or judgments,” explains Alexandra Janssens, clinical psychologist and sophrologist at the Take Care Center in Ixelles. “Simple example: ‘You are still late, I’m fed up!’ This kind of formulations comes to question us deeply in what we are. -, we would be keen to improve. ”

Taken in fault, we then put a eyeshadow, let us answer with an inaudible stammering or a justification which drives us. And when tears go up to what we feel like an injustice, we are immediately cataloged: ‘But what are you susceptible, we can’t tell you, to you!’ ”

“The truth is that many remarks are illegitimate, sly, but also devaluing, aggressive or just nasty!”,, Mistige Laurie Hawkes, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist. “If we lack self -confidence at the start, criticism can really shake, even devastate!”

Respond to criticisms with discernment

But then, how to not be destabilized? How to answer with class, without being too affected? Small instructions for use.

Keep calm and postpone your answer

First of all, do not try to counterattack. What is launched is certainly not pleasant to hear, but perhaps conceals a background of truth: basically, what is the message that we try to make you pass? “The more we try to justify ourselves, the more we answer the accusation with a violent replica, the less we listen to the other,, underlines Alexandra Janssens.

Welcome what you are told, without being on the defensive and give yourself time to analyze it: ‘I heard what you told me, I will take the time to think about it’. Then, ask yourself the right questions: ‘what I am criticized is it true? Is it something that can help me progress? What is also played in this remark, between me and the other? ‘

Then come back to your interlocutor, showing him that you heard his request, that you will take it into account. If however, you do not recognize yourself in what is said, do not hesitate to ask questions to clarify the situation. By doing this, you restore balance in the exchange: you are not overwhelmed by this negative judgment, but regain control of your emotions while asking the other to take responsibility!

“If he is not able to specify his thought, it means that he may see to destabilize you or to value himself by lowering yourself, advises Laurie Hawkes. In this case, you are entitled to retaliate or adopt the ‘duck feathered technique” (your remark slips me, because it does not bring me anything!), If you want to avoid confrontation. “

What if you were taking advantage of constructive criticism?

If some remarks are so painful, it is also because they come to point, with accuracy, some of our failures or weaknesses. Didn’t the moment come to consider them honestly, to try to improve you? “A good criticism is a precise, argued, useful remark that does not enclose us, relates to facts and do not attack the person, define the 2 specialists. It can be positive if it causes a click to change.”

Take time to digest criticism, before transforming it into a tool for reflection and progression. Nothing prevents you from returning a second time to the other by displaying your good will, your openness, your desire to move forward. Because the aim of a positive criticism is above all to resolve a situation, to collaborate better or live together in the future: to bear fruit, it must therefore lead to a joint research of solutions.

React with class: some examples

A comment that stings? A poorly placed reflection? Inspire, exhale… and draw in these answers full of finesse.

• From your boss: “Your lack of organization is incredible! With you, everything takes 3 times more time than expected!”
• Reaction: Do not oppose resistance. “I hear that you are not in accordance with the deadlines that I put in place for my reports. For the next one, can we estimate a realistic delay together?”
• From your mother:: “Well, for once, it’s clean at home!”
• Reaction: Replica with humor, making “idiot”: “Very happy that you like it, mom!”
• From your spouse: “Anyway, you spend your time complaining. You are always negative, it’s tiring!”
• Reaction: Demand a clarification: “Can you give me examples of situations where you found me negative?”
• From a yoga girlfriend:: “You should do more cardio, it would do you good! Me you know, I put myself in the race, by cycling, walking and patati and patata …”
• Reaction: Ignore his lesson given side: “Bravo, what courage! You inspire me!”

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